Selfishness vs. sobriety

I can't believe the month has almost gone by entirely and I've only posted once. What a lame blogger I am.

I've been busy every day. HUGE projects at work, we are launching a new website and I am responsible for all the content (look and feel, information accuracy, everything except the code and geek parts) and that has been an enormous project and one that has been extremely expensive for my employer. Glad I'm not paying the IT bill for that one. Sheesh. Is $70 grand excessive for a website from the ground up? The feedback we've gotten seems to say that it is.

My time has also been spent going to the park with my kids a lot. This is a real pleasure in springtime, as long as the black flies aren't out. It's post-bitter cold and pre-mosquito season, one of my favorite times of the year. I like the two shortest seasons, of course. Guess which other one is my favorite. My kids love going to the park. My baby loves to get on the slide and say "wheeeee" before she even goes down. Such cuteness I can hardly stand it. And of course she wants to do everything big sister is doing. They both love the swings - big sister's favorite.

My kids are my constant sobriety lesson and test. Some days I do better than others. They test my patience, my communication skills, my priorities and my limit setting abilities. They mirror my own inner childishness. They keep my selfishness in check. They HAVE to come first, at least where basic needs are concerned. I can ignore certain things but others cannot be ignored (potty trips, diaper changes, hungry children, crying, boo boo's and the like). My agenda is constantly in flux when I am "on duty". The days that I am not working (weekends) I have the children and so it is not really "time off" for me. I can't just decide that I'm going to take a book and head to the coffee shop for some "me time". I am having a slice of "me time" right now, trying to blog. As I do this, the kids are watching PBS and playing at my feet in the living room. When they screetch loud enough, I have to stop and attend to them. To any parent this routine will be totally familiar. To those of you without children, welcome to my world.

I love my kids and I love my family and I wouldn't change anything about my life for anything in the world. I know this is the path my HP wants me to take and I walk on it willingly. But it is not for the truly selfish, that's for sure. I'm glad I had my kids when I did and not in my 20's in my active addiction. There is no way I could have done this job back then. God is so smart!










Oh, and one of our 8 cats just had a litter of 4 kittens on the 19th. Like I didn't have anything else to keep track of! LOL...they are so cute and she is such a good mommy. New life is beautiful and keeps me marveling at the beauty and wonder of it all. It's hard to stay in a bad mood when you're looking at baby kitties.

A side note, my BFF Amy, who has been fighting a battle with lymphoma, is IN REMISSION! Thank you God and all of you who have been and continue to pray for her. The next step is a stem cell transplant, in mid June. We are so grateful and relieved!!