My comment to The Junky's Wife, from March of this year:

You are a courageous woman, and I have a deep respect for your courage. I'm a recent add-on to your reader-following, and I have to say I am captivated by your words and by the life you are living. BTW I am a recovering alcoholic, celebrating 9 years sober this month, and I am married to another recovering alcoholic, he will have 10 years sober in July of this year. We have 2 children. (BTW, don't have kids with this man unless he recovers.)

I am so struck by "Let's Reconsider". Specifically, at the end where you state:

"If I kept in mind that I am sacred to myself, that my happiness and well-being must come first, and that I am obligated to myself to make the most of every minute of my life, I wouldn't live like this."

How true. And even though I have read many times how completely and totally in love you are with this man, the question remains: is love enough? I have loved men who were not capable of loving me the way I deserved, and although I was addicted to these relationships in the end I walked away. These men treated me in ways that are echoed in your blog. I look back on those relationships today and can't believe that I remained in them, justifying the kinds of behavior I tolerated, and for whatever sick reason I believed that these relationships would change somehow; I believed that I could be the catalyst for that change. I was wrong. What I really had to do was to face myself, to accept myself, to love myself.

Perspective is a tricky thing. When we are "in the midst" of our experience we don't have a good view. Usually its when we've come out the other side that we can see the lessons we've learned and the growth and positive change gained. Generally this is after a lot of pain and heartache. I'm not sure why but it seems necessary, and this is i'm sure why we can't usually learn from each other's mistakes, we have to make our own. Or maybe its unfair to call them mistakes, since all of our experiences contribute to the people we are.

I wish there was some way I could ease your pain, or spare you some of it, or really help you. Instead I feel oddly like I'm a voyer, watching an accident happen in slow motion over and over. I am happy for you that you have a program in your life and steps to work to help you grow into who you are supposed to be. I pray that your husband reaches his bottom (and he might if you can find ways to stop enabling him - like with $$) and finds his own way to recovery. I am not judging, I hope you can hear that. I wish you joy and healing, and I wish you peace.