Amends accepted

Sober Mama,

Thank you for your email and sincere message. I appreciate the energy you have taken to write me and I wish you continued healing and a prosperous life.

What's ridiculous, after all this time, is that I still feel quite emotional about the series of events that caused my move from the apartment, sadly, there are friends I never spoke to again and rehashing the events, which I've started and stopped attempting... is exhausting honestly. I'm sure after all this time I've forgotten much of the point anyway and share responsibility for how the events unfolded as much as I hate to admit that.

It seems appropriate to let things go especially as we enter middle age (dear god) and move on, perhaps this is nice closure.

You must know I've thought of you often over the years as I still have the mixed tape you made me, and I've considered downloading itunes to get the same mix on CD. Especially now that my dilapidated Volvo's tape radio system has been refurbished with a fancy CD player. A few years ago I even made a copy for my mother who also enjoys the compilation.

This email flows a little better now as it began rather cathartic. Funny how we hold on to events in our life as they are certainly lessons that we should learn from.

This is an interesting vehicle for reaching out to old friends and colleagues, I've been surprised now a couple of times seeing the faces of individuals I hadn't thought of in awhile.

Again, I appreciate your effort at reconciliation.

Be well, Friend


And my subsequent reply:


Dear Friend,

Thanks for your reply and for being receptive to my apology. I'm so sorry that your move from the apartment way back when resulted in a loss of friendships for you. I didn't know that. Loosing connections with people we care about is always painful, and I speak from experience around that. If you feel it would be helpful for you to go into greater detail around the events of the past, please know that is fine with me as I have little recall but would probably remember if reminded. It's amazing to me how much of my 20's seemed to be experienced in some kind of blackout.

I have had to learn to let go of resentments and things in the past that I don't have any control over. This includes many people and events that were toxic and painful. I have had in some situations to create my own closure, which has been challenging but the peace that it has brought to my life makes it worth the effort.

Wherever possible, though, I believe that closure is so healthy and is of genuine benefit to both parties. Again, I am sorry for hurting you and if I was a party in causing you to loose connection with some good friends, I am also very sorry for that.

I too have found FB to be interesting, I especially enjoy seeing the pictures of people I haven't seen in years. Most of us have married and have children, "real" jobs and lives, and generally seem to have grown up. Amazing that we all survived our childhoods and adolescence! I can't seem to bring myself to embrace the concept of "middle age" tho.

I'm glad you're still enjoying the mix that I made for you. I want you to know that you were a very special friend to me at a difficult and turbulent time in my life, and I also had a lot of fun with you. I remember you as being full of life and positive energy much of the time. Please give my best wishes to your mom, who I also remember with fondness. I have vivid memories of her pailla and that giant pan! Yummy!

Peacefully,
SM