In less than two weeks winter has left completely, we've burst into spring and passed straight into summer. I fear for our planet! It was over 80° today and here in Vermont that's just not right for April. Remember, it snowed less than a month ago! This is downright weird.
Life is good. I am forcing myself to check in today as I have been so busy of late I haven't taken time to do this. It is now 10pm on a Wednesday night and behind me the baby sleeps on the couch next to a huge pile of clean laundry waiting to be folded. I cleaned somewhat of a path through my kitchen tonight as I made dinner (I am a one-dish wonder of a cook, much to the chagrin of my 5 year old who wants everything "on the side"). I managed to do the dishes and clean several layers of gunk off of a few key surfaces. Oh what a change from my former life!
Priorities are interesting things. When I was drinking, I was totally obsessed with cleanliness and order. Everything in my apartment had a place to be, right down to my CD collection being in alphabetical order. I think this had a lot to do with the fact that I was trying so desperately to justify and control my drinking. If my environment was scrupulously clean and orderly then it was o.k. for me to drink. If I worked out then it was o.k. for me to drink. If I didn't miss work then it was o.k. for me to drink. People in AA talk a lot about having "rules" around their drinking. These were some of mine I suppose. And yes, over time they changed. Some common ones you hear at meetings include "never drinking in the morning", "never drinking at work", "never driving drunk" and so on. I had those too. The one I maintained was never drinking in the morning. I call this one a "yet": it hasn't happened to me, yet. That doesn't mean it never will. If I choose to pick up a drink again, it surely will come to pass for me. I am no better or worse than any other drunk.
My life today is so different, my priorities have changed. And as a result my house is a total pig stye and most of the time I can hardly stand it. But I've been told by many many people that much of this is par for the course when one has small children, and even more so when one marries a messy man. I fight a loosing battle, and it is my job to accept the chaos and instead of being upset about it, I can remember that it isn't the most important thing in my life today. Thankfully Martha Stewart isn't coming by anytime soon! My children and husband and myself are all healthy. We have enough today (love, light, food, work, laughter, tears) and that's really all that matters. And I cleaned a path through my kitchen tonight, and for that I am grateful. OK, I'm off to fold laundry...
No comments:
Post a Comment